True story bro :s

Well.. I haven't been feeling well lately... and since this seems to by my spot to unleash the feelings that I hide everywhere else I just have to get this of my chest... even though I know it wont make anything any better.

I hate myself... or well... I have learned to tolerance myself but Me and myself don't really get along that well.. at the boarding where I was last my self hatred wasn't really that big a problem, because I would have friends and people that loved me, around me at all times. Seeing how that could live with me made it easier for me to respect that I was the way that I am. But now as all my dearest friends are far away, mentally or physically, it seems that I can't  bear my own inner struggles.
   Please don't misunderstand me. It's not like I don't have any friends where I am right now, it's just that they're so much more perfect then I can ever be, and people just love my friends, when they see me as more of an freak or loner or simple just an outsider beyond saving. And because I feel like thay see me that way I don't really feel welcome, which is probably totally bull-shit because I'm saving all their asses at least once a week when I give them our homework. Well.. my newly found friends (whom I looooove <3) are gettin hit on by guys I've been crushing on for months now, and this is one of the main reason for me to look upon myself as a worthless stupid imperfect creature. And this hatred so to say, against my own being is devouring me, Everyday it gets a little worse and I just don't feel like going through it, but I don't know how to end it. everyday I get more depressed and angry, and I let this anger out on my surroundings.. I hurt people around me and I point out their flaws all the time, I push them harder then I should and I feel so guilty all the time, because I don't want to treat my friends like that, they don't deserve it, but they don't know anything about how I feel - which means I don't have anyone to talk to about all these things, instead I just think about it and I know I'm just another teenager, and there are probably thousands out there who feel like me, but that just makes me even angrier, because even tho' I know I'm not alone I just keep on complaining all the time.. Like some little spoiled brat.. I HATE IT!!!

I'm really sorry that I wrote that much about nothing.. and if you read this I apologize for my being.

Please don't hate me, it makes everything so much worse.